Thoughts.

I want to write, but I don’t want to write.

I want to take pictures, but it is hot.  Everything is dead.

I want to plan, but plans change.

I want to make everyone happy, but that is not in my power.

I want to be happy, and honestly? I have been doing a pretty good job of that.

I have smiled more often than not this week.  That counts for something.

I am reading the book of John, and learning, once again, how to believe.

I am trusting my instincts more.

I love them.  I hope they know it.

 

I am going back through old pictures from a time when the world wasn’t brown.

Fall will be here soon.  Hopefully the rain will come sooner.

There is a lot of healing that needs to go on.

I am learning to let go of that which I have no control over.

It isn’t easy.

Pretty sure life isn’t supposed to be easy. 

Maybe easy is overrated. 

Maybe I am supposed to be learning how to trust when the answers I so desperately want don’t arrive.

I know for a fact that I over think things.

I know for a fact that other people don’t get the way I think.

I decided when I woke up this morning that I think in snapshots.  The reason I can’t always give an immediate answer is because sometimes I have the let the snapshots come together before I can make it a coherent thought.

I told mom my theory and she started laughing, said she had never though of it that way but it made the way I did school make a lot more sense.

I am choosing to believe that good things are going to happen.  That people will start smiling again, that a healthy baby boy is going to arrive, that I am going to make it through this phase with a stronger faith than before.

My heart is breaking right now.